勉強

あたしの神様、今急がしだ。試験お遭いだのすごく急がし。時間も無いで。神様、お願い、助けて下さい。
５・６エテス、ペパ二つ
６・６ペパ
１４・６ペパ
１７・６試験
２１・６試験
２６・６試験

心からの願いだから神様助けて下さい。

Adventure - Part 2 (Joining the Royals)

However, how could she survive alone in this foreign land? News came concerning the recruitment of servants for the royal palace due to recent death of the Princess’ attendant. This was like a dream came through for Emi who was at lost especially when she heard that the recruitment would be for young children since they would like to have someone closer in age with the Princess. The selection was harsh as the number who applied for the position was more than a hundred but only five would be selected – one as replacement as an attendant where the other four would be for additional helping hands within the palace. Selection was based on characteristics such as observant, attentive, hard-working and approachable. However, last but not least, the servants must be approved of by the Princess.

It might be fate, it might be luck. Emi got through the selection safely as one of the five. The last selection round was to make a short but creative self-introductory to the Princess. This round was for the Princess to choose her attendant. Since young, Emi has loved music very much. However, she was not provided with the chance to learn it. Despite that, Emi tried using glasses of water to create music back when she was still staying in the orphanage. Of course, the care-takers did not know about it. Using this little knowledge she has, she played a simple music and made her self-introductory in a form of a song – a song created by herself. Luckily, the Princess thought that it was quite interesting and selected her as her personal attendant.


*It was quite short since I got lazy and was quite busy these few days due to some unseen problems.

Fear?

There are always times where you did your best but the results came out to be disappointing. It doesn't really matter, be tough and break through it the next time it come again.
Same time, similar condition, but what would you do differently? That's the main focus. Don't get agitated for what have already been the past, don't lost confidence as that fear would be useless for your next experience.
Just like a soldier who has been through many wars and has became afraid of death, violence and blood. But as orders arrived for the next battle, he would have no choice but to follow.
Worries, scared and lost confidence. All those may be part of your experience, causing you to fear the next approach. But these are all useless, they can't help you in anything with all these emotions.
Have faith and find courage. Prepare for the next approach and you might find some amazing and extraordinary results forming unconsciously.

However, easier said than to be done. What could you do if fear is kicking in? Who can you rely on to break through this test?

Adventure- Part 1: The Past

“The girl has grown up so much. So much to the point that it has been annoying! Can’t you think of a way to get rid of her?”, said the Queen of Sabamalu, looking fiercely at her attendant, Jeff.

“Mom, can you stop trying to get rid of Emi. Can’t you see that she’s my sister?”, Elissa, the first Princess of Sabamalu.

“She’s not your sister, Elissa. I don’t remember giving birth to such insolent.”

“But dad has recognized her as his daughter! And we’ll be having her as our country’s second princess in just a few days’ time.”

“Shut up! There’s no way I’m going to approve it. Your dad just likes to act on himself. Why are you and your younger brother, Edward, helping that stupid girl too? Can’t you see that she’s trying to trick all of you into giving her that status?”

“Well, no?”

“Argh! Nevermind. You are all just too simple-minded to be tricked by that girl. I’m exhausted after having that conversation with you. You are allowed to leave now.”

“Yes, mum”, answered Elissa quietly and walked out of the room.

Few days later, the ceremony began and ended successfully. Emi, who was once an orphaned-servant for the royal house has been given the title “the second Princess of Sabamalu”. And she was the first ever commoner who upon gaining her title, was allowed to be involved in the country’s political issues. After the ceremony, Princess Emi stood quietly in her room, recalling how much trouble she has gone through in all eight years that she has lived.

Being an orphan sent to an orphanage in the Winderia country at the age of three, her life has always been a bitter one. The orphanage was taken care of by a couple. There were more than 20 children living in the orphanage which was situated near the sea of Winderia. Even though the female care-taker had always abuse Emi, the male care-taker would always care for her. However, life was still difficult as the male care-taker was not always in the orphanage. Day by day, the abusive actions increased. Emi would always get cuts in her body. There was also once where she nearly drowned due to the female care-taker’s carelessness. Grief, Emi decided to leave the orphanage. While being in the orphanage, Emi was not educated based on her age, she had some classes due to the country’s requirement which stated that all children must be educated but the level of education was quite poor. She decided then, to be independent and leave the orphanage. As a three years-old girl, she begged vigorously for a job in a small diner. Even though the pay was considerably low, it was enough to make her happy and looking forward for a hope in life. And thus, four years have passed since then.

One day, a couple came by, seeing that Emi was quite adorable and hardworking as a seven years-old child, they decided to adopt her. All procedures for the adoption were completed within days while, the female care-taker was thinking of ways to decline the adoption for Emi. Few days later, the couple came by again to fetch Emi but was rejected by the female care-taker, saying that she was sick and would require a long period of time for recovery. After a long chat with the care-taker, the couple gave up and said that they would return upon her recovery. However, that has never happened. Despaired, Emi decided to leave by herself. She used the money that she has earned thus far to get a train ticket. She has decided to leave the orphanage and to leave the country. However, her salary was only sufficient for her to arrive in a nearby country even though she has wanted to flee as far as she could. Thus, she arrived in Sabamalu when she was seven.

20th May 2013 (This one doesn't have a title yet but this was the date i created it)

Do you think that I don’t understand your feelings? Who do you think have been going through all these for the last four years? I try to be understanding as much as I can and therefore, haven’t been complaining much. Not that I would actually complaint. I mean who am I suppose to complaint to?

You said that we don’t understand your feelings. Well, I’m not sure about her but don’t you dare put me in the same level as her. All of you are the same for me. Understanding? Me? Why should I? as if you guys have ever try to understand me? If you don’t put yourself in the same shoe, how can you ask someone else for better?

Your feelings’ hurt? Then how about me? When you try to open your mouth to scold someone, have you ever thought of the person’s behalf? I dare said that I tried but couldn’t be 100% up till now. But you, who have never been to any hardship, you dare to tell me that? Who do you think you are? You’re just a brat who have just passed her 18^th birthday and you think that you are such a grown up? You are just a spoilt brat for me.

Anyway, everyone’s the same. Telling everyone that they’re hurt. My words hurt you? Then, have you ever thought that your words hurt me? Just some petty words and you said that you’re hurt and started getting angry and go on and on about all those useless stuff. If people could die so easily, am I not the first to die? Have you ever put yourself in my position? I don’t even know what I have ever done to all of you. One called me a bitch, one called me rude unlike her rest of children, one called me stupid and useless, one scolded me for thinking about you guys and the other scolded for saying I’m not thinking. Don’t you guys think that you’re very contradicting?

Am I not your daughter by flesh and blood? If I were a bitch, then what does that makes you?

Am I not taught by you? If I were rude, does it make you better – the one who taught me all about life?

You called me stupid and useless. But are you any better?

Thinking too much made you angry. But what would happen if I don’t ever think? Does it make it better? Or is it because you never think of others that make you expect so?

Or – I’m not thinking when I’m saying and have hurt your feelings? Do you think you’re any better than me in thinking about others’ feelings? I tell you in all honesty, that you are worse than me. For I know that it hurts when I spoke of it but you don’t ever realize that you’re hurting someone.

Irony? Yeah, I think so too. And that’s how life has been so far. People can’t do much to change the surrounding people. If you would like to feel less of all these, why don’t you try to become braver?

Dreamer

It’s not what you say, it’s what you do, isn’t it? He’s just so stupidly cowardly to be unable to do a simple task like that. All he can do is just to bluff, saying how great he is. Stupid! Didn’t he go all the way to England for that purpose? Earning all our respect and yet he came back just to disappoint us. What the hell is he thinking? Hasn’t he already wasted more than five years to study and undergo this sort of training? Hasn’t he become immune towards this sort of things after all these years? He’s just purely an idiot!

Guess what he said to me before he went England? Bluffing on and on saying that he is the greatest man on earth. That idiot! Think he can be any greater than God? Going England. What’s so great about that? I can go there by myself if I got the money. Sheesh! After all, only these kinds of petty words can come out from his stupid mouth. Now that I think back, I’m so stupid to let such words to frustrate me. I should have known that he would never be able to accomplish such an “impossible” task for him. His stupid beliefs in supernatural powers are driving him crazy. Scaring himself with those fantasy. Such a useless guy. If he were not my childhood friend, I would regret for my whole life for being best friend with someone like him. Always telling me that I should just worry about myself, saying that after his trip, he would definitely be a famous detective known throughout the world. Idiot! He’s such a dreamer! Does he really think that he is capable in doing so?

Flying all the way to England, saying that he would definitely uncover the truth behind the “haunted mansion murder case”. Oh My Gosh! This case has been left open ever since it happened three years ago. Every year, hundreds of detectives would be sent all over the world but up till now, none have discovered the truth behind. Three years! Hundreds of detectives failed every year! He thinks that he can solve it? Where does all his stupid confidence come from? This case is the only case where all the countries in the world would focus on. Taking on such a bloodcurdling case, which no one has been able to solve after the murder of more than a hundred people including a few with political influences, and especially after some witnesses gave testimonies stating that they heard voices of the dead victims coming from the mansion, does he really think he has the guts to solve it? AND especially when the mansion murder case soon came up with the word haunted! It’s definitely his biggest weak point. What makes him think that he is capable? Arghhhh…he’s just an idiot!

He knew it! He knew that he would end up being a scaredy cat, hiding behind the backs of the others. Well, probably. But how can he not? I mean, he knew all the “paranormal” mystery behind the case and yet! How can he be so happy to be selected as one of the representative detective of the year to solve the case? He even jumped up and down stating that the Goddess of luck is finally with him and that he would definitely make a prefect deduction and then the whole world would start acknowledge him as the world’s best detective, like Sherlock Holmes. Yeah right! In his dreams! Now that I recall, luckily I was not absorbed within his fantasy or else it would definitely disappoint me more. Phew! Does he really think that things would always go so smoothly? What is he? A three-year-old kid?

Haiz..But as a best friend of him, I would like to wish him the best wishes, hoping that his LAME dream would come true. I went to the airport to pick him up this morning, hoping that he would be his usual self, cheerful and boasting all the way back to home. But things just wouldn’t go as well you think it will. I saw him coming out from the departure lounge and greeted him but he was quite sullen I supposed. He neither greeted me nor did he let out a word during the way back home. I questioned him about his job but he never answered me. After much pressuring, he ended up telling me the whole story. Explaining how spooky the mansion was that he thought there might be some ghostly presence when his colleagues laughed at him and made fun of him throughout the whole ten days and how he was unable to discover anything useful for his deduction and ended up giving a stupid one when everyone laughed and said that he was a dreamer and was not suited to be a detective. As he said, he was nearly in tears. I knew that such things would happen but I never thought that he would be that hurt. “See? I told you that you’re not fitted for the job. Why don’t you quit before it’s too late?” was what I thought I would say but ended up unable to pass him the message when I saw him sulking. Oh well, I guess that’s what happen when you can’t do what you say. 

*P.S: this one was a monologue created few years ago. It was originally for assignment purpose, but well, just thought of uploading it all of a sudden with another new monologue i created few days ago.

さしぶりです、みなさん！

こんばんは！あたし今日本語が勉強しってる。まだまだですけど、せめってこのひらがなとかたかなはよめるです。大学区の勉強も今いしょうけっめです。だから、あたしのおとう様、お願ずっとあたしの傍にいるね！＝D